Grace provides a safe space for grieving hearts to feel seen, heard and understood—and at their own pace, supported to find new meaning in their life as they move forwards with their loss.

Christmas is often seen as being a season of joy, cheer and celebration—a time of year which places emphasis on all things merry and bright. However, for those navigating grief and a life after loss, Christmas can be a very tender time of year; in which feelings of loss, loneliness or longing may be amplified and the absence of loved ones is often magnified. Managing the many complex emotions of grief, through a time where there is a societal expectation to be merry and joyful, can be extremely challenging. However there are ways to gently navigate the season, whilst honouring both our grief and the memory of those who are no longer with us.

This year will be the fifth Christmas without my dad and grandad, and whilst the first one without them was definitely the most difficult, their absence during this time of year is still just as pronounced. In this article I will be sharing some of the gentle ways that have and continue to help me to manage my grief through this time of year, and some valuable tools and resources I use with my clients as a QCH therapist.

Compassionate Witnessing and Honouring Your Needs:

In my early grief, I would force myself to do all of the festive things that I thought I ‘should’ be doing, and it was exhausting. Grief, sadly, does not take a holiday for Christmas, nor does it have an off button—it lingers quietly, sometimes loudly, even amidst all of the tinsel and lights. I have learned over these past few years the importance of listening to my needs over this tender period; by recognising my grief and asking it ‘what would be most supportive’ in each moment. This simple act of compassionate witnessing and listening, has helped me to understand how I can best tend to my grief and support myself through the difficult times.

I think the weight of expectation can sometimes make this season feel even harder than it already is for those moving through grief. The family gatherings, social commitments and festive traditions can feel overwhelming, and are often also a stark reminder of those who are missing and how life is forever changed. There are times where grief just longs for a space to be witnessed and held with tenderness, and other times where it yearns for a distraction. There may be moments where it may seek connection; and other times, where it craves the quietness of solitude. Grief has no blueprint on how to navigate its tidal waves. It really is about listening to what you need in each passing moment and doing your best to attend to those needs with compassion and respect.

So, if you’re grieving this Christmas, please know that it is okay to feel however you feel; it is okay to feel out of sync with the season’s expectations and it is okay to do whatever you need to in order to navigate this season in a way that feels authentic and manageable for you. This will likely look and feel different for everyone, as despite grief being a universal human experience, each person’s experience of grief and healing is completely unique (and so too are the ways that we care for ourselves during this season). For some, tending to their needs may look like stepping back or not saying yes to everything—or anything—that feels too much this year. For others, it may be reshaping traditions or making small adjustments like joining part of a gathering or creating space within the celebration for quiet reflection or meaningful remembrance, like lighting a candle for a loved one or sharing a cherished memory. Whatever your grief needs, try to give yourself grace and the permission to prioritise your needs without guilt or explanation.

The Healing Power of Journalling: A Compassionate Space for Grief

Another tool which has been supportive for me in managing my grief over recent years, especially around Christmas time, is journalling. There is something incredibly powerful and cathartic about putting pen to paper, giving space to thoughts and emotions that often feel too big to express aloud. Grief, after all, is a testament to the love that we carry, and allowing space for our emotions is a powerful act of self-compassion. Journalling can take many forms—sometimes it’s writing freely, letting the words flow without judgement or structure. Other times, it can be more intentional, following a reflective prompt that guides you to explore your grief in a specific way. For example, you may wish to reflect on some of the following prompts:

• If my grief had a voice, what would it say to me?
• What does my grief need from me right now?
• How can I show myself compassion during this time?
• No matter how small or fleeting, what moments of light I can hold onto right now?
• How can I honour my loved one during this season?

Creating Rituals of Healing:

Writing Letters to Your Loved One —

Sometimes grief leaves us with things left unsaid or unresolved—words we wish we could have shared with our loved one or emotions that we never had the chance to express. These unspoken thoughts can feel heavy, adding another layer to the already burdensome weight of loss. Writing letters to your loved one can provide a compassionate outlet for these unspoken words, allowing you to express what’s still in your heart and mind, even if your person is no longer physically present. Whether you share your grief, your joys, your memories, or your struggles, this ritual can offer comfort, solace and a sense of on-going connection to your loved one, even in their physical absence.

Spending Time in Nature —

Spending time in nature can be profoundly healing. Whether you choose to just take a few moments in your garden whilst you sip on a warm drink, or take a peaceful walk in a woodland or along the beach, being outside in nature offers a calm, grounding environment which helps the nervous system to feel calm and centred. Being surrounded by and bringing awareness to the rhythms of the natural world can help to anchor us in the present moment and feel a sense of connection to something far greater than ourselves—which is important when grief feels all too consuming or isolating. Nature also offers us a gentle reminder of life’s ever-changing cycles, of endings and beginnings, of resilience and renewal, offering a quiet reassurance that even in our darkest seasons, there is the potential for light, healing and growth.

Yoga, Breathwork and Meditation —

Incorporating some form of gentle somatic movement such as yoga into your daily or weekly routine can offer a safe, dedicated haven to reconnect with your body, and can support the release of tension or emotions that are being stored in the physical body. For me personally, I experienced a lot of numbness and a sense of disconnect during my early months of grief—which is quite a common experience and can be the body’s way of protecting us from the shock and pain of our trauma and loss.

Yin yoga, alongside breathwork (such as Belly Breath, 4-7-8 Breath, or Alternate Nostril Breath) and meditation really helped me to work through those feelings of numbness and reconnect back to myself and my body. These practices are also powerful tools for soothing and regulating the nervous system. They help signal to both the body and the brain that we are safe, allowing the Sympathetic Nervous System (which governs our fight, flight, fawn, or freeze responses) to relax. And in turn, meaning that the Parasympathetic Nervous System—the part known as our ‘rest and digest’ state—can take over, helping us to feel grounded with a deepened sense of resilience as we continue to walk through the wild terrain of grief.

Engaging in Creative Expression —

Creative expression such as painting, drawing, knitting, or writing poetry can offer a powerful channel for grief; giving our feelings and emotions the opportunity to be expressed freely in a gentle and non-verbal way that sometimes words alone cannot capture. And, just a little side note, you most certainly don’t have to be ‘good’ at these either! It’s much less about how your finished creation looks and much more about the actual process of creation which provides a real cathartic emotional release (and sometimes a healthy distraction from grief when we need it).

Grief Circles or Support Groups —

Joining a Grief Circle or local support group can provide a much-longed-for sense of connection and community by being surrounded by others who understand or share a similar experience. I am currently running a series of Winter Grief Circles to support those in my local community who are moving through grief and loss. These Grief Circles provide a safe space to be seen, heard, and held in community as we move through the sharp edges of our pain. If you would like to learn more about these Grief Circles, please visit my website here.

Cognitive Hypnotherapy:

Cognitive Hypnotherapy is a modern, person-centred and evidence-based approach to therapy which is rooted in Cognitive Therapy and Behavioural Therapy, with the addition of hypnosis. It draws on a range of different theories and therapeutic disciplines such as Positive Psychology, Neuroscience, Evolutionary Psychology, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Gestalt Therapy.

Anchoring, an NLP technique which involves associating a specific touch with a positive memory, feeling, or state of mind, can be a helpful resource for those navigating grief. It can offer clients a way of accessing feelings or moments of calm, strength, comfort or connection (or whatever positive emotional state they wish to experience) when the weight of loss feels too heavy. By gently guiding the mind back to a feeling of safety, connection or love—perhaps tied to a cherished memory with their loved one—it can help to create a sense of grounding as the intensity of grief ebbs and flows.

EFT, often referred to as ‘tapping’, is another effective tool used within Cognitive Hypnotherapy that can support clients through their grief. Gently tapping on specific acupressure points while focusing on emotions or memories connected to grief not only calms the nervous system but also helps to release any physical and emotional tension connected with grief that is being held within the body. It offers a gentle and compassionate way to work through any challenging thought patterns that arise throughout the grieving process and supports clients to create a more accepting relationship with their loss.

The “Three Tender Moments” Practice —

Within Cognitive Hypnotherapy, we often encourage our clients to reflect on the “Three Gifts” exercise where they are encouraged to write down three things at the end of every day that they recognise as being ‘gifts’ from their day. For instance, this may be something that they are grateful for, or something that happened during their day—big or small—that made them smile or brought them joy.

I understand that it can be difficult to feel grateful during times of profound grief, when it feels like our world is falling apart and all we can think of is the loss of our person. However, I also appreciate the power that reflection can have in creating positive shifts in our perspective, and in turn how we feel. With my clients, I like us to work together to establish a daily “Three Tender Moments” practice, where I invite my clients to reflect on the following three things:

1. Something I did today to nurture myself through grief, or a way I showed myself.
2. A comforting moment from my day (no matter how small).
3. Something that connected me to my loved one, even in their.

This daily practice can help us to recognise the steps that we are taking—no matter how small they feel, whilst recognising the moments of light even amidst the sorrow.

There is no doubt that this time of year can amplify feelings of grief and loss, and that’s a tender truth you are allowed to honour. It is my hope that these practices and resources will offer you a sense of comfort and gentle support as you navigate this tender season.

If you are moving through grief and finding your way through life after loss, Cognitive Hypnotherapy can offer a gentle, compassionate and supportive space to tend to and untangle your grief and, at your own pace, guide you to find new meaning in your life as you move forwards with your loss. If you would like to learn more about how I may be of support, please get in touch via my website linked below to arrange a complimentary consultation.

With love and care, Grace

Website: www.gracemoore.co.uk

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To find other QCH therapists: https://www.qchpa.com/therapist-finder.