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Altruistic August
Altruistic August
The Action for Happiness website is asking everyone to be more altruistic throughout the month of August.
The Merriam Webster online dictionary describes altruism as:
‘The unselfish regard for, or devotion to, the welfare of others’
But what does this actually mean in practice?
There was a case in the news recently about two teenage boys who’d risked their lives jumping into the path of a fast-approaching train to save a man who was a stranger to them. This is surely a heroic example of altruism at its most noble, but (luckily) not a situation that many of us would ever encounter.
So, let’s think more about all those less dramatic everyday acts of altruism that seem to stem from the genuine and unselfish kindness of one human being to another – giving to charity, giving up a seat on a train, or handing back the £10 note that someone unwittingly dropped, for example.
What is it about us humans that makes us act this way? Why would we put the needs of others before our own, often to our detriment and even at times putting our own safety at risk?
Well, there’s a train of thought that claims there’s no such thing as pure altruism, that there’s always an ulterior motive of some kind, even though in many cases this occurs at an unconscious level.
What might these ulterior motives be? Well, of course there’s many benefits to helping others. We all know that warm fuzzy feeling we get when we’ve helped someone out or given a gift that’s truly appreciated.
We might receive praise or kudos. It might increase our social standing and improve our relationships, and we may well receive something in return. For example, if I look after my neighbour’s cat this weekend, then maybe in the future they’ll do something for me in return. I might not be thinking of it as an obvious quid pro quo at the time, but helping others does oil the wheels of society and make for a more co-operative world.
And, on the other hand, we probably all know the feeling of disappointment or, even worse, of being taken for granted, when whatever we’ve given hasn’t been appreciated or received with gratitude, or reciprocated in any way.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that our purpose for being kind is just about personal gain. Yes, we may get something out of it, but that probably wasn’t the sole intention. Sometimes the reward is merely a by-product of our actions and not the original motivation.
It may seem obvious, but research confirms there’s a strong link between empathy and altruism. The more empathic a person is, the more likely they are to engage in altruistic behaviour.
When we see others suffering our empathy causes a feeling of distress, which kicks in our desire to help. In this case a part of the reward for altruistic behaviour is the end of our own distress.
And because of empathy, when we give pleasure to another, our own positive feelings are also increased, so there’s a definite reward there in the act of giving. It must follow then that it can also be an act of altruism to allow someone else to be altruistic towards us. By allowing ourselves to receive, we are bestowing the gift of giving to another – and thereby creating a mutual altruistic exchange.
For some people though, being on the receiving end of help doesn’t come easily. We all need support from others at times but unfortunately, due to early experiences, we may have developed a limiting belief that we’re ‘not deserving’. Or, maybe unconsciously, we feel that our role in life is to serve others and not to accept help ourselves. Or we may have developed an unconscious need to be fiercely independent, so that accepting support feels uncomfortable even when we desperately need it.
Cognitive Hypnotherapy can help you explore the roots of these limiting beliefs and to let go of any resistance you may have around asking for and accepting help from others.
The benefits of altruism are numerous and far reaching. Research has demonstrated that acting altruistically can have a positive impact on health and well-being and can even help improve cognitive abilities in older people. It’s even been demonstrated that altruistic behaviour can aid in post-traumatic growth.
This is all wonderful of course but are there any possible down sides that we need to be aware of? As with many things in life, it seems it’s all a matter of balance.
We can’t keep giving to others indefinitely without it affecting our energy levels. Too much altruism can lead to burn-out, a widespread problem in the helping professions. It’s vital that self-care is a priority, and that includes setting good boundaries, something that many people struggle with. There can be many reasons for this. A Cognitive Hypnotherapist could help you identify what those reasons are and then find ways to overcome them.
For example, it’s important that altruism isn’t confused with people-pleasing behaviour (often a consequence of low self-esteem), which can have many causes. If you feel this might apply to you, a chat with a Quest Institute Cognitive Hypnotherapist could help you explore whether some therapy may be helpful.
Studies have shown that a loving-kindness meditation can also help, as it increases empathy, whilst at the same time cultivating a degree of detachment that protects against emotional exhaustion.
So, with all the benefits to be had from regular acts of kindness, how can we develop a healthy practice of altruism, not just during August, but as something that becomes a natural part of who we are?
The Action for Happiness website has a whole month’s worth of great ideas, most of which cost nothing and take very little time but could reap huge rewards for both giver and receiver.
Here’s just a few examples,
Send an uplifting message to someone you can’t be with
Ask someone how they feel and really listen to their reply
Thank someone you’re grateful to and tell them why
Donate unused items to a local charity
Notice when someone is down and try to brighten their day
The most important thing when forming new habits is consistency. By performing just one act of altruism, no matter how small, every single day, we can send ripples of kindness out into the world and reap lots of rewards in the process too.
https://actionforhappiness.org/august
https://psychcentral.com/health/altruism-examples#altruism-examples
Psychogeriatrics: Volume 19, Issue 2
Pages: 85-191 March 2019
8-25-2018 Positive Altruism: Helping that Benefits Both the Recipient and Giver Anna S. Irani University of Pennsylvania,
Batson, C. D., Duncan, B. D., Ackerman, P., Buckley, T., Birch, K. (1981). Is empathic emotion a source of altruistic motivation? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 40(2), 290-302. doi:10.1037//0022-3514.40.2.29
Hi, my name is Jill Brown.
I qualified as a Quest Institute Cognitive Hypnotherapist in 2005. Since then, I’ve been using my skills to help others make the changes the desire.
I was led to this work when I had difficulties myself, struggling with depression, anxiety, and other emotional difficulties.
I had a spell in hospital and as part of my recovery I decided to make major changes to my life. This led me to training with the Quest Institute. I learnt so much about myself, about what makes people tick and what fascinating and complicated creatures us wonderful human beings are.
I find it so rewarding working with people in this way. We’re all so different and unique, and yet we have more in common than we realise.
If you feel that Quest Cognitive Hypnotherapy may help you too, please visit the site. There are many wonderful and talented therapists and there’s sure to be someone who’s a good fit for you. With the best of wishes for an August filled with love, kindness, and joy.
If you would like to contact Jill or another QCH therapist, you can find them using our therapist finder here https://www.qchpa.com/therapist-finder/#!directory/map/ord=rnd
